I really wish I could describe how I feel right now. I’m somewhere in between not caring and blowing everything up and caring too much and trying to fix everything. 
I feel bi-polar most days even though I’m not. It’s just that I have all these wants,plans, and prayers that haven’t come to be . Sometimes I’m disappointed, depressed, and want to give up. Other times I realize that I might still have more life to live than I have lived already.
I’ve begun to take one day at a time and seek wisdom from the word of God and the mouth of God.. I just wish I could fast forward to the part where my desires line up with his and I have joy in Him. 
I realize why I need Him and I realize that I’ll never be myself until I know who I am in Him. It’s kinda crazy how many sermons I’ve heard on identity but yet most days it still doesn’t click.

All of this is okay though. I’m human. I’m broken. I made mistakes. I’m forgiven. I’ve lived and loved and will continue to do so. 
Holy Spirit Guide me . Make your paths straight before me.