Tag Archive: community


My idea wasn’t to come to Peru by myself to hangout with friends and relax.  My plan included bringing a team of people and reaching out to the poor areas of town and possibly even the jungle.  I wanted to do so much in the short two weeks that I was saving my time for.  As God often does, he changed my plans.

I’ve had such a strong desire to return to Peru since my February 2012 trip along with my friend and roommate Paulo.  I wanted to go do something for God and for the people of Peru.  I was going to be the leader of a missions trip that was going to be different.  It was going to be one of those short term trips that actually does good for the local community.  When I began to see that things weren’t going to work out after trying to plan and meet with people, I began to become very frustrated.  I was upset with myself, other people, and even God for not allowing me to do work for him.  I then began to go with him to the wilderness and found out that he wanted me to himself and that he had so many plans and gifts for me.  He wanted me to be ready for things ahead and not to be frustrated by my lack of works.

After that, I felt a little better but then got the idea to take the trip by myself anyway because I had been saving up the vacation time for a trip this year anyway.  I finally worked it out with my missionary friends and looked forward to going and helping them out.  Again, I had a plan to teach in the ministry school, minister in shanty town, pray for the college, etc…

Then September and October came along which included allergic reactions, bed bugs, broken doors, broken water heater, cleaning my entire home, throwing away many things, and drying every piece of cloth in my entire home.  As you can imagine, this was extremely stressful and overwhelming(not to mention my finances taking a huge hit).  By the time everything was taken care of with the bugs and fixing the other stuff it was a few weeks before I was to leave and I was still worried, stressed, and breaking out in hives.  I was determined to still go and give it my best shot.  I sent a message to my missionary friend Shaun and told him that I had a rough couple weeks and he responded with him saying they would pray.

Fast Forward to my arrival and one of the first things Shaun says to me on the ride back to the house is based on what you told me , we have decided that you are going to be treated as a family guest meaning I could participate in things or not.  He recommended that I just rest and then see how I felt.  I wasn’t sure how to take it but knew that it was the right thing to do.

I began to rest the next couple days with every intention of getting up to go to the school and prayer one of the days but I never made it.  I slept the best I have ever slept in my entire life.  Approximately 10 hours every night.  It was insane!  I ended up going to church and praying a few times for people, going to children’s church once, and taking a prayer walk and that was pretty much the extent of my “service” while I was there. 

My Father (God) always has the best plans for me even when I think my plans are to honor him and are the best for me.  He thought it was a better idea for me to rest, have fun, and spend time in his presence for a restful two weeks.  He was right and I’m better for it. What’s new?  haha.

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I feel like I write about the same things all the time.  I don’t know if it is because I always fail at these things or my progress is just too small for me to see.  I feel more lonely and broken than I ever have but this time I know that it’s okay to be this way.  I know I need Jesus more than I ever had in this time.  Even as I type this, I’m listening to Jonathan David Helser sing about how he is closer than my own skin. Man, why can’t I just realize this and give in to his overwhelming comfort and peace?  I even seek for love and peace in the right place most of the time but to be with a community(body) and to actually be with that community consciously is so different.

I know that isolating myself is not the right thing to do and I don’t but it almost seems like I’m isolating myself within a community and that can only be my fault, I think.  It’s probably because I don’t really initiate and communicate things to people very well.  I’m still learning a lot in that department these days.  I desperately wish to have a best friend that I can tell everything to.  I have a couple people I can do this with but sometimes it seems like they are all busy with their own lives.  When these times come and I feel like nobody wants to spend time with me and I sit here for hours on the stupid alternative universe that is Facebook, I wonder what am I actually doing with this life.

Please pray for motivation for me.  I know that God isn’t going to make me pick up a bible or go serve or anything but I seriously lack motivation to do anything when it comes to spending time with him within the last few months.  I have started listening to worship music more often and I believe that is a start but I really need to know his presence.  His presence is where everything is that I need.  Pray it is with me when I wake up and when I lay down.

Also, I know God has big plans for me and my service for him but it seems so far off and I can’t seem to gain any traction in doing anything for him in spreading the Good News!  I desperately want people to come to him on the account of them seeing him in me but I don’t think that happens very often.  I want to be able to communicate better and to love better and just abide.  I strive too much.

Thanks for listening even though there isn’t any stories or more detailed thoughts.  Hopefully, some others feel some of these things sometimes too and it helps you know that your not alone.

Love, Justin