Tag Archive: prayer


Peru Arrival

I arrived here in Peru after a long 17 hours of planes, layovers, and bad airplane food.  With about 3 hours to go, I broke my headphones and man did I hit a wall after that.  I even ended up reading 2 People magazines that my plane seat neighbor offered.  She was a sweet lady. I feel bad because the actual headphone piece was stuck in the jack without a way to get it out.

All in all, I arrived in one piece and got through immigration and customs pretty quickly.  Shaun was there to greet me and it was so good to see him.  It’s not fun to fly by yourself for more than a couple hours and I was glad I had somebody to talk to on the way back to his house.

He explained to me that based on what I had told him that I would be treated as a family guest and that I could do and not do what I want when it comes to ministry stuff.  I told some of you and had a post on Facebook saying that this would be a more restful trip because it’s been a hard couple months.  I was grateful to hear that there was no pressure for me to perform or participate in anything. I feel like I’ll take this first week and really pray and spend time with God to see what he’s saying and why he has me here.  There is this deep need for solitude right now and I have the perfect room in their house to do it.

Please pray that I hear what the Lord says and that I trust that he will speak and come through for me.

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I assume that most of you know me well enough to know part of, if not all of my story since 2006. If you don’t ask me sometime, but here is a brief overview is that I was married in November 2006 and she left on Thanksgiving 2007.  My life was torn apart and it had to be rebuilt from scratch.  The divorce was final sometime in 2008 and by that time I had started going back to church and began healing.  If it wasn’t for God and my parents instilling in me that he was there, I would not be here.

There was a lot of healing that went on in 2008-09 in regards to knowing that I needed the Lord in my life and nothing else could take his place.  However, I was still carrying so much baggage from the marriage that I did not know how to get rid of.  Finally in May 2010, I stumbled across Dust ( the community) I have had the pleasure of being a part of for 3 years.  The love and support that I have received from this community along with a deliverance process that I took part in helped me get free of the baggage that I was still carrying and helped me forgive my ex wife, myself, etc.

Before I went through this exercise of forgiving people and myself, I could not even think about my ex-wife without being angry or sad.  I certainly was not able to pray for her and just didn’t care in I ever saw or spoke to her again.  However, something changed when I forgave her.  God changed my heart and I cared about her again.  I began to pray for her some as time went by and really just asked for a few things.  1. That she would be blessed and 2. That she would draw close to God.  I didn’t pray all the time but you know from time to time when I thought of my life with her and everything we had gone through.  I still don’t think I desired any so called reconcilation or hope that maybe one day we would be able to say sorry to each other and go on with our lives.  If I did , I probably would have wrote her.

So this actual story begins approximately two months ago.  One Saturday, a few Dusties decide they want to hang out at the park and so I go not expecting anything out of the ordinary.  As I’m playing frisbee, I see my dog Hank that we had together and I had given back to her in 2008.  He was on a lease with my ex wife’s step father and having a blast just walking around the park.  I by no means wanted to speak with this guy though because of things that had happened with him as well and so I did not approach them.

A few weeks went by and for some reason, it kept crossing my mind that man Hank looked so happy and healthy and I wish I could just thank her for taking care of him.  I then thought well I was good friends with her current fiance about 4 years ago, I’ll just Facebook message him about it. Yes, I know its weird that she dates an old friend of mine and that they just had a kid together but I decided to do it anyway.  My message below:

Hey man I know this is weird but #1 congrats on your new son with Liz and #2 i saw my old dog hank at the park with Tony today but didnt approach for obvious reasons so I wanted to tell her thanks for taking care of him all these years but saw she didn’t have a Facebook anymore #3 wish you all the best

I was just going to leave it at that. I  didn’t expect anything back other than maybe ” yeah i’ll do that.”

About two weeks later, I’m sitting downstairs and I get a Facebook message from her.  I was a little weirded out and gathered myself before I clicked on it.  Her message below:

Hey
***** told me you saw my mom with hank he is doing well. Thanks for the congrats that was nice. I hope this is not weird but it is something I have felt God has asked me to for a long time and I didn’t know how to go about it so I have put it off. God has been doing a lot in my life and has been working on my heart. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the hurtful role I had in our marriage. I cannot go back and change those things but I can ask for forgiveness. So there it is and i should have said it a long time ago. I hope God brings blessings to your life just as He has mine.

BAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

I was overwhelmed with emotions, I cried a little bit but not much.  I think I was relieved and maybe just happy surprised.  I think God picked the right moment in time.  It’s one thing for her to realize that she had a hurtful role in the marriage and that she was sorry but the fact that she expresses the two things that I prayed for for her these past few years was beyond comprehension.

1. I hope God brings blessings to your life just as He has mine.

2. God has been doing a lot in my life and has been working on my heart.

These two things sound a lot like the two things I prayed for , don’t you think?  There is hope for things that you don’t think there can be hope for.  There is hope for things that you pray for.  There is hope!  Look, I know that me and her are never going to be friends again but the fact that God has blessed her and we have both forgiven each other , is a beautiful thing!

I just can’t say enough about how God orchestrates and restores things. He is good!  I will praise him all of my days!

Solitude leading to Compassion

I think I’ve always had a decent amount of compassion for people.  Although some of that may have been taken away based on working in retail for years.  But all the same, I still generally care for my neighbor and would love for everyone to have joy, be blessed, and most of all know the creator of the universe.

I just returned from a retreat at Mepkin Abbey monastery and there are going to be a lot of things that I write about in the coming weeks but I want to begin with two quotes from Richard Foster and his book Celebration for Discipline.  The first quote is “Like Jesus, we must go away from people so that we can truly be present when we are with these people.”  The second being “The fruit of solitude is increased sensitivity and compassion for others.  There becomes a new freedom to be with people.  There is new attentiveness to their needs, new responsiveness to their hurts.”  Both of these quotes became very true to me after this retreat.  I have a huge desire to be present with my community and other people going forward.  I also feel a new sensitivity/ compassion towards people in general.  Everywhere I go now it seems like I’m praying for people who walk by with a limp or who look angry or sad.  However, my real desire to to pray “with” these people and listen to their stories regardless of how hard it may be to hear.  I’ve also noticed a desire to actually talk to others and getting them to talk more about themselves and not going away feeling like I talked about myself too much.  And last, I feel a renewed freedom to share with my community on a deeper level.  I feel like God is definitely doing a work here.

My problem has always been expressing or putting this compassion into action.  For the last few months, I’ve been screaming inside to do something/anything for God  I’ve used many different excuses such as “I can’t do this alone” or “I don’t know what to do” to “I don’t have enough faith to do that,” etc.  I’m needing to go ahead and just do this and jump in.  How? Well, I know some people who do street ministry or I could just randomly pray for someone.  I ask that you pray with me for the the right opportunity and that God will give me grace and I will be able to jump in and “Just do it.”

The Hike to Machu Picchu

The trip to Machu Picchu(named one of The new 7 wonders of the world) was truly a blessing because the missionaries actually encouraged us to go and they even had a friend at a hostel in the town.  We were planning to go only if we had time and they didn’t need us to do anything.  So we set it up with a travel agency and were on our way shortly after telling our testimonies and eating lunch after church Sunday.

I’ll cut to the actual learning experience and hike Monday morning.  Paulo and I got up early Monday morning because we planned to walk/hike up to the top to meet the tour guide.  I don’t know if it was because it was so early or I just didn’t think/understand that this was going to actually going to be a hike because I wore jeans, tshirt, rain jacket, hat, and poncho because it was pouring down rain the entire time.  After hiking up for a little bit, I began to have problems because I was soaked. So right there on the trail, I changed into shorts and continued on.  I feel like changing into something else means I realized I didn’t prepare the right way and that I needed to re-evaluate the situation just like you may need to re-evaluate a choice you made in life.  We continued on for a little bit further and then I began to lose my breath very quickly.  I wasn’t pacing myself well and began taking breaks often.  I felt bad because I was not able to keep up with Paulo and he was having to wait often.  He was patient and began to talk to me and ask how I was doing.  He gave me some hints on how to continue and I gave it a try for another little bit but at this point I began to feel sick to my stomach and hot even though the cold rain was still pouring down.  At this point, I think my body was really rejecting the fact that I had some food that morning and that I was out of shape. haha.  I think the spiritual meaning was that when you are trying to grow in your relationship with God and go higher, there may be some purging or cleansing that he needs to do.  I tried to keep drinking water and a girl on the trail even stopped at offered some energy juice of some sort.  I just kept feeling sick and the energy was zapped out of me.  I don’t even think we were a 1/4 of the way up and I felt like I was done.

Paulo felt led to pray for me at that point and asked the Lord to help me and give me the strength.  I really thank God for the brother that he is.  It’s times like this in life where you don’t have anything left and you need somebody to come along side you and be Christ to you.  He was Christ to me on that mountain.  He prayed, he encouraged, he loved, he was patient, he was kind.  Another 10 minutes or so after him praying, I was ready to continue only because I was wanting to persevere.  I was still feeling pretty crappy but I went on step by step.  Soon, I felt better as the air began to come out of my stomach and it settled.  I also just took one step at a time and took deep breaths purposely and consciously.  All the while, Paulo continued to encourage me and took breaks when I absolutely needed them still.  I look back now and it seems like that the last 3/4 probably took as long as the first 1/4.  We finally made it up that mountain and although we missed the tour guide starting out we were able to catch up with him and learn about the awesome place Machu Picchu is.  God taught me many things on this day but most of all he taught me perseverance and what it takes to get past some obstacles that I/we will come across in life in order for us to grow and become closer to him.  However, I still took the bus down the mountain, lol.

So I just wanted to thank the people that read my last blog from Germany.  I’m not sure how you found my small little blog but thanks for liking my last post.  This really is just a continuation of what I wrote in my last post.

Again, it’s time to pray!

God is calling each one of us to find our Narnia so that we can engage with him and have intimacy with him and know him.  If you have ever experienced the true presence of God then you know how sweet it is and that you never wanted to leave at that moment.  However, we look at prayer these days as un-sexy and not worth doing.  People, it is worth it.  He’s worth it.  He will never let you down and he is going to show up.  Even if he isn’t speaking, he’s walking with you and sitting there with you.  It’s not about requests.  It’s about how he is the Father and that he wants us to come to him as his children.  Let’s become kids again and know that he wants to bless us and he want’s to show us that he is the Father and he will show up and help us.

It’s time to pray

Everything is pointing towards prayer and preparation in my life right now.  I know God wants me to come and find that space with him.  Why is it that I’m so hesitant to do what he wants and ultimately what I want to.  I guess its just because I’m apprehensive about having intimacy.  But why would I be that way?  This person , this God, is perfect.  I need to have the faith that he will be gentle and that I will be ultimately be so much better after.  God, I love you, I’m coming for you and we are gonna get this right.